The Hyperlogos

Copyright 1994, Alan Sepinwall.
Created by Alan Sepinwall with the help of:
Paul Sabourin, Patrick Mallon, Steve Wall, Bryan O'Connor, Frank A. Lauro, Dennis Goeckel, James Foust, Lori Karn, Gerald Ross, Geoff Falen, Earl Baker, Dan Gingiss, Don Semmens, Eugene Kushnirksy, Charles Quenneville, Andrea Atkin, Tamar Bihari, Lois Casaleggi, Lori Hylan, Mark Vita, Doug Le, Paul Bourque, Bradley Lindaas, Ed Holliman, Lisa Rooney, Jim Hill, Sandy Bodzin, Dana H. Bayliss, and John Sigmon (cuz he's so desperate)

Some basic rules:

1. You can play this one of two ways:
   
   • Everyone drinks whenever any of these things happens. However, this will probably result in a lot of very hungover people come Wednesday morning.
   • Everyone picks two characters - either Simone or Sipowicz and someone else - and drinks whenever something from that list comes up.
   • Be Simone, someone else, and Sipowicz, but only drink club soda for Sipowicz. Your call.
2. There will also be a list of social drinks at the end, where everyone *must* drink, regardless. These are things that might be done or said by any character. There are also a couple that are applicable for either Sipowicz or Simone but no one else, and those will have a seperate header.
3. Any additions or changes from the previous version will be marked with an asterix NOTE: Since this is the first edition of the "new" version, nothing gets an asterix this time. You'll just have to look hard for the new stuff...:)
4. The rest is pretty self-explanatory. Any questions or suggestions for additions, send me a line at sepinwal@mail.sas.upenn.edu

ENJOY!

DET. ANDY SIPOWICZ:

Calls someone an asshole.................One drink for each "asshole"
Does some investigating on his own........................One drink
Tells Kelly, "I'm going back to  to talk to  - there's
	more here than meets the eye."....................Two drinks
Walks into a bar..........................................One drink
Someone offers him a drink................................Two drinks
Has a fight with Sylvia..................................One drink
Makes up with her......................................Two drinks
Appears nervous about advancing their relationship.........One drink
Makes a racial comment....................................One drink
Makes a racial comment to Fancy...........................Two drinks
His son appears..........................................Two drinks
He has trouble looking someone in the eye................One drink
Has a problem with someone who wears a wig................Three drinks
Grabs his crotch..........................................One drink
Physically attacks someone...............................Two drinks
Mops his brow...........................................One drink
Mops his brow while he eats.............................Two drinks
Calls someone a "hump".......................................One drink
Calls someone a "douche bag".............................One drink
Someone makes a crack about his weight or hairline........One drink
He discusses his dog or his fish..........................One drink
We see his dog or his fish.................................Two drinks
Goes off the wagon (this does not count for the early episodes, when
   he was constantly off the wagon)...........chug a steaming glass of Perrier
Bares his butt.........................chug the whole damn thing and pray

DET. BOBBY SIMONE:

Refers to his pigeons......................................One drink
Uses the term "cock" while referring to his pigeons........Two drinks
Acts like John Kelly (your discretion).....................Two drinks
Appears to go too easy on a suspect........................One drink
Offers to get said suspect a yogurt or other dietary food item...Two drinks
Refers to his dead wife....................................One drink
Gets an earing, reveals that he has a law degree, and moves
	back to LA..........................................Chug

DET. GREG MEDAVOY:

Stammers.................................................One drink
Someone imitates his stammer.............................Two drinks
Starts to flirt with Donna and gets nervous..............One drink
Flirts with Donna without getting nervous.................Two drinks
Gets worked up over some mundane issue (the dry cleaning, the X-Mas party,
	etc.).............................................One drink
Has an anxiety attack.....................................Two drinks
Leaves his wife..........................................One drink
Goes back to her.........................................Two drinks
Is not used as comic relief.............................Three drinks 

DET. JAMES MARTINEZ:

Refers to another cop as "detective"........................One drink
Calls someone by their first name...........................Two drinks
Someone says (either to him or when talking about him) that he'll
	make a good detective some day......................One drink
Kelly says it...............................................Two drinks
Is told that he "did good work back there".................One drink
His father appears..........................................One drink
He calls his father "Papi".................................Two drinks
Someone comments on the fact that his father looks like he's only
	a few years older than him..........................Chug
He gets a girlfriend.......chug, then thank the gods for answering our prayers

MISS DONNA ABANDANDO:

She smiles at Sipowicz......................................One drink
She sleeps with Medavoy.....................................Two drinks
She makes any sort of reference to the NY Rangers...........One drink
Makes a reference to the recent Stanley Cup victory........Two drinks
Is hit on by a detective other than Medavoy.................One drink
Worries about Medavoy......................................One drink
Calls Medavoy "Gregory".....................................One drink
Refers to any other cop by his/her first name...............Two drinks

LT. ARTHUR FANCY:

Asks someone to come into his office........................One drink
Chews someone out in his office.............................Two drinks
Is chewed out by Commander Habrill..........................Two drinks
Is chewed out by anyone else in the department.............Three drinks
We see his family...........................................Two drinks
Someone refers to him as "Lou" (short for lieutenant)......One drink
Complains about how tough it is to be black in they NYPD...One drink
Worries about his impending baby boy.......................Two drinks
Overlooks a subordinate's minor screwup (ie Kelly being late to work, Greg 
	and Donna having an office romance)...............One drink
Overlooks a major screw-up (ie Roberts having the junkie girlfriend,
	Andy being drunk on duty)............................Chug
His home appears well-lit.................................Chug
Someone other than his wife calls him Arthur................Chug

ADA SYLVIA COSTAS:

Appears to hate Sipowicz (see early episodes)..............One drink
Goes out with Sipowicz.....................................One drink
Tells Sipowicz that she doesn't care about all his bad habits and the
	way he used to be..................................Two drinks
Sleeps with Sipowicz.......................................Five drinks
Tells Sipowicz that she can't be with him until he's better, but that
   "I'm pulling for you" (or words to that effect)..........One drink
Tells a cop that they're doing something illegal...........One drink
Helps the cops do something unethical......................Two drinks
Does something about that hideous hairstyle............Chug

DET. ADRIAN LESNIAK:

Any reference is made to her psycho ex-boyfriend..........One drink
We see her psycho ex-boyfriend............................Two drinks
Has a problem with a male coworker over something minor
	(like a tit-cup)...................................One drink
Has a problem with a male coworker over something major
	(like Sip chewing her out for no reason)...........Two drinks
Wears a skirt.............................................Chug

SIPOWICZ & SIMONE:

Give their card to a "hurting" person and tell them to "give me a call
	if you need to talk"...............................Two drinks
Play good cop, bad cop.....................................One drink
Simone is the bad cop.......................................Two drinks
Tell a suspect that another suspect "gave you up"..........One drink
They're lying when they say the above......................Two drinks

Anyone meets someone and starts a conversation in the stairwell...one drink
Any of the detectives appears in uniform........................two drinks
Any two people have a conversation in the locker room...........one drink
One or more of the above is nude................................two drinks
A suspect does not ask for a lawyer.............................two drinks
A detective asks someone, "Do you/did he/did she have enemies?"..one drink
Anyone other than Sipowicz says "Asshole".....................two drinks

If any of the following terminology is used by anyone:
"reach out".......................................one drink
"like" used as "suspect" ("We like these X brothers in that
  armed robbery...")..............................one drink
"make" ("We liked those X brothers in that robbery, but the
  case didn't make")..............................one drink
"on the job"......................................one drink
"lay a loaf"......................................three drinks
"Interview One"..................................one drink
"Skell" used to describe a small-time perp.......two drinks
"bust your/my/his/her balls".....................one drink
"squeeze your/my/his/her shoes" (used in place of any
	busting of balls).........................two drinks

If a guest star:
dies............................................one drink
leaves the show.................................one drink
used to play a superhero in a red costume.......two drinks
gets naked......................................two drinks
ever appeared on Hill Street Blues..............two drinks
plays their HSB character (i.e., the "I'M BUCK NAKED!!!!!" guy)....chug
Makes an in-jokey reference to a previous acting role (ie, Roy
    Larson losing his "flash money")..............two drinks
Is a cop and loses his job due to a scandal.......one drink
Is Steven Bochco's real-life wife, Barbara Bosson....chug, shoot the TV,
          and write an angry letter to ABC about the evils of nepotism

That's basically it for now. Like I said, any suggestions are more than welcome.

-Alan Sepinwall -sepinwal@mail.sas.upenn.edu

(Not-so) RANDOM QUOTE:
"That was my tit-cup!" -Carmine Caridi, "NYPD Blue"