The Hyperlogos

Drinking Game 95

Bill Gates Microsoft Windows 95 infomercial drinking game

Beta version.

• Everytime a cute ethnic child is shown being more productive through the use of Win 95.
• A "new" feature of Win 95 is shown that has been implemented in the Mac OS, OS/2, or third party extensions for years.
• Someone makes a reference to Bill's money or success.
• The word "virtual" is used.
• Microsoft new computer network is refered to as MSN.
• When "Joe/Jane Q. Computer User's" computing concerns are solved by Win 95.
• A 1-800 number is displayed.
• Whenever "plug and play" is used.
• A reference to how "easy it is" is made.
• An old person is shown using the computer.
• The computer speaks directly to the camera.
• A spokesman from the Computer industry praises Win 95.
• The word "upgrade" is used.

• When a crappy feature/bug of Win 3.1 has been fixed by Win 95.
• Some politically correct/assinie icon/metaphore is used for a standard function (i.e. "recycle bin")
• Someone "doesn't understand" a feature, and needs it explained in detail.
• Plug and play is refered to as "p&p."
• Any time Anthony Edwards (the host) says the words "World Wide Web."
• Large, bloated, yet obsolete mega-corporations, toady up to Bill in the hope that some of his sucess will rub off.
• Anyone makes a medical joke to Anthony Edwards.
• Any time the phrase "Now is the time..." is used.
• A person is shown meeting some "Sandra Bullockesque" love interest through MSN.
• A feature of MSN duplicates an existing internet service.
• The 'net is refered to as the "Information Superhighway."
• You are invited to publish your own Web page.
• You are remined that Win 95 will allow you to attempt any of the following trivial tasks: Balencing home checkbook/budget, college term paper, manage your stock portfolio, order flowers or a pizza, play games, email your grandmother, make plane reservations, 'chat' online, medical imaging, research dinosaurs, download porn, play "global thermonuclear war," or open the pod bay doors.

• Bill makes reference to his wealth and/or sucess.
• A crappy feature/bug from Win 3.1 continues on into Win 95.
• Any reference to "screw-up."
• A reference to "You've been waiting a long time, but now here it is..."
• Win 95 crashes the demonstration computer.
• A competetor's product is shown.
• They tell you that this is "the last operating system you'll ever need."
• Bill breaks down, turns to the camera and say "Easy is not better!"

• A "new" feature intoduced in Win 95 is totally original, never before implemented in Mac OS, OS/2, or third party extensions.
• An animated version of Anthony Edwards or Bill Gates appears.
• Anthony Edwards remarks offhandedly "You ever notice how much Windows looks like the Macintosh operating system?" Drain another if Bill answers, "Nah, we swiped it from Xerox."
• An explaination to why Win 95 was released a scant few months before '96.
• Canter & Seigal spam MSN with adds for their latest book before the end of the program.
• Bill apologizes for his monopolistic business strategy, crappy software, and cult of personality. Hands rights over to Linus Torvalds.
• Charlie Chaplin "spokesman" from the IBM campaign shows up.

• Bill admits he plans to change it all in a few years to copy Novell. He just wanted to ease us into it.
• It's admitted that they still base everything on out-of-date I/O processing.