The Hyperlogos

When preparing to go to Panama, I realized I was badly in need of sunglasses which would fit my head. I'm a big guy with a big noggin, and in the past that has meant one of two things; Gargoyles with adjusted frames, or the Oakley Mambo, later renamed M-frame. Unfortunately, Oakley has discontinued the M-frame, so I decided to buy some Gargoyles oversized ANSI classics. This turned out to be a very wrong decision.

You may have seen the counter displays for Gargoyles sunglasses with the dented lens; they have a small, whitened dent in them where the lens has been shot with a .38 caliber handgun. They are, in essence, basically the world's best safety glasses. Correction: They were the best. Today, they are garbage that you should not buy.

What eighty-five dollars for sunglasses got me was an inferior product to the old sixty-five dollar version. The old glasses had all-metal arms with plastic covers; the new glasses apparently have all-plastic arms. The old hinge was a big, chunky thing; the new hinge is tiny and fragile, and it broke while the glasses were in the case and inside of my pack. Now, these glasses are intended to provide maximum eye protection, and they are often sold for hunting use, sometimes with shields on the sides. But as the price has gone up, the quality has dropped sharply.

When the glasses broke, I connected to the Gargoyles website and sent them a nice message asking for help. Here's the (excerpted) email response that I received:

From: Gargoyles Eyewear <quantumcs@fgxi.com>
To: martin.espinoza@gmail.com
Date: Sat, Jan 16, 2010 at 4:21 AM
Subject: Thank you for Contacting Gargoyles Eyewear

Dear Martin,

Thank you for contacting us. A Gargoyles representative will contact you shortly.

Summary of web form submission:

Case Number
659466

Comments/Enquiries
My brand new oversized ANSI classics died after two days of VERY CAREFUL use. I see that you have dramatically reduced the amount of material in the hinges of the arms since the good old days when the entire arm was a piece of metal. I can see no reason to do this other than to cause them to break easily. I am now two days into a six-week trip to panama with no sunglasses, hazel eyes, and a very large head. Can you do anything for me?

Okay, so maybe it wasn't all sweetness and light, but I found this to be a quite restrained response to the premature breakage of some expensive shades. Unfortunately, by Jan 17 at 2:14 PM they had not got back to me (It did say "shortly" and I AM wandering around without sunglasses) and I sent in:

You must have a different definition of "shortly" than I or the dictionary does.

Here's where the story becomes truly pathetic:

From: Linda Beale <lbeale@fgxi.com>
To: martin.espinoza@gmail.com
Date: Mon, Jan 18, 2010 at 6:56 AM
Subject: FW: Thank you for Contacting Gargoyles Eyewear

Hello Mr. Espinoza,
Thank you for contacting our company and selecting the Gargoyles brand of eyewear. We have checked our records and could not find any incoming e-mail from you. We apologize for any inconvenience you may have experienced with our product. All Gargoyles protection eyewear carry a lifetime warranty. You can return the glasses to the address below along with the required $12.50 processing fee made payable to Quantum Optics and a replacement will be sent. Our warranty and shipping information appears on the same page as the contact sheet that you filled out. Should you have any further questions you can contact our warranty department at 800-388-0258 Ext. 2157.

That's right, not only did they not get my problem report but they then went on to quote me the warranty policy. Incompetence and indifference. My response follows, and sums up why you should not buy Gargoyles sunglasses:

Am I really going to save money by sending in my glasses and paying for shipping as opposed to just buying a new arm? I believe I shall send these glasses back and get my money back, as is my right as a Californian citizen. I will also need to step up my campaign of sharing just how far your company has fallen. If I had known what pieces of junk you turned these glasses into, I would never have bought them. Bulletproof lenses with hinges that belong on $10 glasses? You should be ashamed for asking me to spend my money. As well, this will provide me no assistance on my trip to Panama; I have over a month to spend here and they don't seem to have sunglasses in my size in this country.

If this is truly your response, your company deserves to fail, and soon.

Do yourself a favor: Do not buy Gargoyles sunglasses at any price. It is clearly long past time for them to fail. You can expect the same "service" if you purchase any of their brands: Gargoyles, Anarchy Eyewear, Angel Eyewear, or Body Glove sunglasses. If you do not want to be taken advantage of, you will not purchase any of these brands.

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